🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.